Felix and Edward Gorey

What is, is and what might have been never existed

                                                                                                        Edward Gorey

Felix's Edward Gorey themed 12th birthday

Felix was enraptured with Edward Gorey's art and writing from a young age so it was only fitting as a theme for a celebration of Felix's life. It might seem an unconventional choice to pick one man's art to celebrate the art and life of another, but Felix embraced Gorey to the extent that it became a distinctive part of him. I recently read an old newspaper article about Edward Gorey and I felt like I was reading about Felix. It wasn't because he tried to emulate Gorey. They were more like kindred spirits. I felt like I was reading about Felix as a 70 year old man. Please join us in celebrating Felix by embracing the unconventional, and succumbing to the surreal, peculiar, whimsical, and macabre world where both Gorey and Felix were one.

 

Ideally if anything were any good it would be indescribable

                                                                                                                              Edward Gorey

Ways Felix and Edward Gorey Were Similar

Both loved "high art" and "low art" equally


Both loved cats

Both loved the ballet

Both loved opera

Both loved books

Both were mysterious and introspective

Both loved tea

Both loved Japanese art

Both loved films

Both appreciated the beauty in both the mundane and decrepit

Both understood that things, in particular art, could be over-explained,  if it were any good it defied explanation

Both inspired others, and Felix was also drawn to the work of those inspired by Gorey such as Tim Burton, Amanda Palmer, and Lemony Snicket (Daniel Handler)

Let us take the time that has been given to us and find that clock

                                                                                                                           Edward Gorey

Felix's Brooklyn Memorial

A Celebration of Life Memorial

 

Prelude/Gathering Music

 

Opening Words  

by Reverend Sarah Lenzi

  

We gather this afternoon to grieve the loss of Felix Brow-Westbrook. Beloved son, brother, friend. Here we will have space together to mourn, to cry. But we also gather so that we might remember, share and celebrate Felix’ life. Today, we have an opportunity to give thanks for the way Felix’ life touched each of yours and so many more. We affirm that Felix will live on in the minds and hearts of all those who knew and loved him.

 

Death has brought us together this afternoon, but so has the need to honor an amazing human whose life and passions created beauty and wonder in this world. We gather to remember but also to offer comfort to each other, and to remind ourselves that we each grieve in our own ways and in our own time; may all find comfort and peace and hope in the embrace of this gathered community.

 

 

 

 

Chalice Lighting

In our Unitarian Universalist tradition, we open our services with a chalice lighting. The chalice is a symbol of hope, of light in the darkness. It also symbolizes the divine spark in each of us, the best in each of us. This morning, we light our chalice as symbol of Felix’ spark: the life, light, joy, beauty, and love he brought to so many.

 

As Felix’ brothers light the chalice, I offer you the words of Thich Nhat Hanh, the Vietnamese Buddhist peace activist.

 

 

 

Oneness

 

 

Thich Nhat Hanh

The moment I die I will try to come back to you as quickly as possible. I promise it will not take long. Isn't it true I am already with you, as I die each moment? I come back to you in every moment. Just look, feel my presence. If you want to cry, please cry. And know that I will cry with you. The tears you shed will heal us both. Your tears are mine. The earth I tread this morning transcends history. Spring and Winter are both present in the moment. The young leaf and the dead leaf are really one. My feet touch deathlessness, and my feet are yours. Walk with me now. Let us enter the dimension of oneness and see the cherry tree blossom in Winter. Why should we talk about death? I don't need to die to be back with you.                         

 

 

Music

I call it the Cloud Atlas Sextet. There are whole movements imagining us meeting again and again in different lives, different ages

                                                                              Robert Frobisher in Cloud Atlas

 

Cloud Atlas Sextet

 

 

This music was chosen by Felix's friend Walter. They were taking turns reading the book Cloud Atlas aloud in the weeks prior to Felix's passing. They never did finish the book.

 

A half finished book is, after all, a half finished love affair

                                                                              David Mitchell from Cloud Atlas

Reading

           I Know You Love Me by Felix Brow-Westbrook

           read by Eli Denby Wood

 

Musical Reflection

          Chimes

                  Composed and performed by Eli Denby Wood

 

This is a special selection because its only been performed 3 times. The first time Felix was in attendance at a small showing in support of Eli and their music. Eli and Felix held a mutual respect for each other's work, and supported each other in their artistic endeavors, both together and apart. The next 2 times this song was performed was at memorial services for Felix. 

 

Eulogy

 

 

Eulogy

 

Musical Reflection

 

 

There was a boy
A very strange enchanted boy
They say he wandered very far
Very far
Over land and sea
A little shy and sad of eye
But very wise was he

And then one day
A magic day he passed my way
And while we spoke of many things
Fools and kings
This he said to me
 The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return

 The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return

 

 

         

Nature Boy

by Nat King Cole

 

This selection was chosen by Felix's friend Zak. It's a song Felix loved, and Zak, a professional singer, would frequently sing it for him.
 

 

Sibling Reflections

No life can be fully told by one person. There are facts, but there are also impressions, memories, feelings. This afternoon, Felix’ siblings will share some personal reflections about their brother.

 

 

 

 
 
 

 

 

          Frankie Parise

          Lillian Parise

          Rebekah Parise

 

 

 

 

 

One cannot write how grieved one is nor find any comfort. It is a grief that will last and which I certainly never forget as long as I live; the only thing one might say is that he himself has the rest he was longing for... Life was such a burden to him; but now as often happens, everyone is in praise of his talents... Oh Mother, he was my own, own brother.

                                                                                Theo Van Gogh

 

Musical Reflection

 

 

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
How you suffered for your sanity
How you tried to set them free
They would not listen they did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now

 

                    Don McLean

 

 

Vincent

by Don McLean sung by Rebekah Parise 

 

 

 

 

This song was chosen by Felix's sister Rebekah after watching the movie Loving Vincent with him. This quote sums up the selection.
 

 

In many ways he reminds me of the famous artist Vincent van Gogh. He had many difficulties and he always expressed them through his passionate works of art.
Rebekah Parise



Reflection

 

          Henry David Thoreau journal entry read by Patrick Gallagher

 

 

On the death of a friend, we should consider that the fates through confidence have devolved on us the task of a double living- that we have henceforth to fulfill the promise of our friend’s life also, in our own, to the world



 

 Reflections by Patrick Gallagher
 

Original Composition

          composed and performed by Patrick Gallagher

 

 

 

Open Sharing

 

 

 

 

 

Elizabeth has asked for time in our service today for those among you so moved to offer a short memory or brief words for the family.

 

 

 

 

 

 

There will be time in the days and weeks and months to come to continue sharing stories about Felix and the life he lived.

 

 

 

 

 

Meditation/Prayer

 

Meditation/Prayer
 

Closing Words

 

Closing Words

 

 

Music

 

 

Give me water
Give me rainfall
For I can't wash away
The thoughts of you around me

 

                      Hayley Westenra

 

 

Malena

 

Malena by Ennio Morricone was chosen because the sorrowful music evokes feelings of "what could have been," of potential lost. Music Director and organist Sean Mayes adapted it for organ for the memorial which created a powerful experience.

 

 

Extinguishing the Chalice

We extinguish our chalice this afternoon, but

not the remembered light of Felix Brow-Westbrook,

not our hope for the future, not the power of love.

Felix’s love is his true legacy, and that can never be extinguished. 
 

 

 

 

 

Benediction

May you go from this place, strengthened by love that never dies,

Celebrating the memory of your beloved Felix,

And committed to living your own life as fully,

Thoughtfully, and creatively as he did.

Go in peace.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"What is, is and what might have been never existed"

                                                                      Edward Gorey  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Brooklyn Memorial: Closing Words

 

 

Though his life was short, it was a gift to this world and to all who knew him. Felix left an indelible mark on so many. He will be remembered for his art, his intellect, his caring heart, and his deep and complex soul. Though his life was short, he left those who loved him with so many gifts.
 

The sharing of love and the remembering does not stop today. Every time you speak Felix’ name, see a particularly beautiful window display, stumble on an object forgotten and find in it beauty; every time you offer kindness to others, or consider how your gifts might make this world better for us all, you will ensure that Felix lives on. Every day that you go on living, creating, offering beauty to the world through your existence, you will be honoring Felix.

 

 

Felix, so acutely aware of the cycles of living, surely understood what Arthur Graham articulates so well:

Each of us is an artist,
Whose task it is to shape life
Into some semblance of the pattern we dream about.
The molding is not of self alone,
but of shared tomorrows and times
we shall never see.
So let us be about our task.
The materials are very precious
And perishable.

Our lives are precious, all too often, too short, and they are part of a larger infinite cycle of living and dying. Within that cycle, love given and received never dies. This is a simple truth. May we know it deeply as we navigate our grief and celebrate Felix’ life.

 

May all our lives be filled with beauty, creativity, and love.

 

Brooklyn Memorial: Eulogy

 

 

Felix Brow-Westbrook was born on September 26, 1989 in Nashua, NH. From the moment he arrived into this world, Felix was a calm and easy-going person. That calm baby grew into a thoughtful child who was creative and caring.

 

 

 

When Felix was just two his family moved to New York so his parents could attend SUNY Purchase. For five years Felix lived on the campus there surrounded by artists. Throughout his childhood Felix spent time around creative people all of whom surely helped inspire his love for the arts and his deep concern for the beauty of things.

 

 

Just before his eighth birthday Felix moved to Concord MA where he continued to be surrounded by art, creativity and history. In sixth grade Elizabeth told me she began homeschooling Felix. This was a time of great growth for him. It helped solidify his interest in art and architecture. He was smart and precocious.

 

 

 

He participated in local children’s theatre productions, won awards for his architectural sketches, and his Lego recreation of Falling Water complete with running water. He made lasting friendships with people of all ages.

 

In 2006 Felix moved to Brooklyn for the first time with his father and step-mother. New York was a place of great artistic grow for Felix. Here his identity as an artist coalesced

 

Felix was an artist. From the time he was small, it was an integral part of his life. He was a creator, a maker. But he also saw the world in a different way than many of us do. He looked at the world through an aesthetic lens. His experience of the world was with an attention to beauty, form, construction. He lived and breathed art. His love for art and beauty led him to pursue it as a field of study at SUNY Purchase, from which he graduated in 2011 with a degree in Design Technology, with a concentration on Scenic Design.



Felix painting a backdrop for a Ralph Lauren holiday window

His degree prepared Felix for a career he loved in set design, costume and prop design, and the development and creation of window displays. He particularly loved doing design work for operas and for window displays as they tended to require research in order to be resonant and accurate. Felix loved research. Every Spring beginning in 2010 he would head to Charleston to the Spoleto Festival USA for two months, to be part of the community that grows there each year.

 

 

But Felix’ work creations were temporary. He was keenly aware of this. The window displays would be up for a season and then destroyed. When the opera ended, the sets and costumes and props reached the end of their usefulness. Felix wanted to be part of making and preserving things that would not be destroyed. That would last. His deep appreciation for history, and for the way art and culture can be maintained over time for the benefit of all us, stemmed, his mother told me, in part from having grown up on Concord where history is thick in every building and down every path.

 

 

 

His love of history and research, and his desire to be part of something that would keep, gave Felix the desire to pursue a degree in historic preservation. Had he lived, this was to be the next step in his life.

 

This love for the historic was also a love for the inherent beauty of old things—antiques, old buildings—that juxtaposed what was with what is. Felix found the decrepit, the forgotten, charming. As a child he loved the works of Edward Gorey, works that somehow join the cycles of living and dying. Felix hoped one day to live and work at the Wheeler-Harrington House, an historic house in Concord. He was full of ideas about how to revitalize the house using eco-friendly building techniques and materials. He longed to create programs that brought that historic house to life for all.

 

That was Felix, his mother tells me: quiet and unassuming, but full of ideas that would integrate history, life, preservation and environmental justice in ways that were beautiful and aesthetically pleasing. Even through his illness, Felix was thinking about ways that his skills could help the world: he was considering ways to improve institutional housing and health care facilities so that they would be more people friendly, more environmentally friendly, and more beautifully conducive to healing. Felix knew that the space we inhabit can affect not only our physical health, but our spiritual and mental health as well.

Felix was, from all his mother shared with me, an incredible human being with a capacity for creation and for love that was quite special. He was introspective, thoughtful, intellectual. Felix, even as a young person, had an appreciation for and an understanding of the cycles of life and death. He had an uncommon intuitive grasp of how endings are beginnings, and beginnings endings. His love for the infinity symbol and his affinity for Buddhism speak to his quiet and mature acceptance of the natural movements of life. Yet even with this understanding, Felix was a fighter who wanted to live and work and create and always dreamed about what would come next.

 

Felix modeling hospital gown fashions

Felix was diagnosed with Biphasic Pleural Mesothelioma just after his 28^th birthday. He died nearly one year later. He endured much during that last year, but what stood out as Elizabeth spoke to me about her son was that despite the surgeries and poking and prodding, Felix was unfailingly kind, thoughtful, grateful and hopeful. Felix’ illness and death do not define his life, but that last year of his life showed the world even more clearly who Felix was—a gentle, kind, creative and loving soul who maintained his strength and center even in the face of extraordinary challenge.

 

Felix died on December 12, 2018, just a few short months after turning 29 years old. Death is never easy, but there is a special pain that accompanies the loss of a young life. Felix was maturing and developing as an artist, on the verge of even greater things. The loss of potential, all the art he might have gone on to make and share with the world: it brings another layer to our grieving. It can be tempting to dream of what might have been. But I come back to the Edward Gorey quote in your program this afternoon: “What is, is and what might have been never existed”. What did exist, what we always remember, is Felix’ life. A life of beauty, heart, soul, love, compassion and strength. This is the legacy that Felix leaves behind.

 

May we each bring to our own lives an appreciation for beauty, an awareness of our place in the far reaches of history and future, and an acceptance of the cycles of life that come to us all, a commitment to history and preservation, and a desire to create. In this way, we will truly honor the life of Felix Brow-Westbrook. 

 

Brooklyn Memorial: Reflections by Patrick Gallagher

I've been thinking a lot about how each day we wake up to do a dance, and that it's the way that we move through our life. It's the choreography of our unique journey through time and space. It's the time we take to savor each delicious moment that comes our way.

Can you remember for a moment what it was like to walk with Felix. I can remember walking so quickly with him. We would just glide through the bustling New York City street together, effortlessly carving a path, finding the most efficient way of traversing the space. He not only kept up with my really fast walking, he matched it with style and grace.










Felix's creativity was expansive and he was adept at many things. But he didn't keep his talents to himself. He was constantly sharing them with the world. As Thoreau reminds us, our task now is to find the dance of Felix's life within our own. To make art that an enchanted soul like Felix would make to share it with those we love and those we will come to love. And do it all with abandon.

Meditation and Prayer

 

 

 

 

Mindful of the varied religious understandings we bring into this space together today, and of Felix’ own inclination to Buddhist philosophies, we turn now together to time of meditation and prayer. I will speak some words, and then we will spend some moments together in silence so you may each prayer or reflect in your own way.

 

Spirit of Life, God of many names,

We give thanks this day for the life of Felix Brow-Westbrook.

We give thanks for the kindness, care, and compassion he gave in his short life.

We give thanks for the beauty he created, the art and words he crafted with his spirit of invention.

We give thanks for the love he showed, and the opportunity we had to show him love in return.

 

We pray that this remarkable young spirit,

This man of conscience and creation,

Of heart and soul,

Be held eternally in love

Wherever his journey has led him.

 

We pray that each of us find in our communities

Support and love that will us as we walk through our grief,

As we long to share stories and memories and laugh and cry.

May we know love overwhelming as we continue our journeys.

 

In the silence, we let fly the prayers of our own hearts.

 

[silence]

 

May all those who know grief, know in equal measure

The love that holds us all.

So may it be.

Remembering Felix: a very Gorey memorial

Felix dressed as Gorey on his 12th birthday

Saturday, February 16th, 12pm
At the First Unitarian Congregational Society of Brooklyn:
A Celebration of Life Memorial in the Gothic Revival Sanctuary
Edwardian Tea Reception to follow in the McKinney Chapel

Farewell Felix, peculiar and wise
Who met with a dreadful demise
His unfortunate story
And a theme Edward Gorey
As a memorial, is a surprise

To keep despondent mourners apprised
A macabre celebration devised
Recollections of regret
So we never forget
Tea and melancholy, a reception comprise



All are welcome to come and celebrate the life and art of Felix through the lens of Edward Gorey. My hope is that guests will succumb to the strange, morbid, tormented, whimsical, surreal world of Edward Gorey, to find Felix there.

Mourners are encouraged to dress in Victorian or Edwardian inspired clothing, write a Goreyesque farewell limerick for Felix, or color an Edward Gorey coloring page at Felix's Edwardian Tea Reception. Or, if you simply want to be a voyeur of the eccentric event, that's fine too.

Felix was enraptured with Edward Gorey's art and writing from a very young age. The photo on this page is Felix dressed as Gorey at his Edward Gorey themed 12th birthday party. He conceived of the idea, planned the party himself, and made his own decorations and favors (lots of handpainted, ceramic urns!). Join us in honoring Felix in a way he would have loved.


 First Unitarian Congregational Society of Brooklyn
48 Monroe Place
Brooklyn, NY 11201
http://www.fuub.org/home/

In lieu of flowers, contributions may be made to Felix's Funeral Fund in support of ongoing memorial events or Donate Flowers in his name to Central Park Conservancy (ecards can be sent to healfelixofmeso@gmail.com) or, of course, donations can be made to the Edward Gorey House, including Exhibit Sponsorships

Visions of Felix

Not long after Felix passed away, we were given time to be with his body at Mercy Medical Center. There was a chaplain there to help guide us through our grief. One of the first things she asked us to consider was how we would know that Felix was around us so that we could gain comfort.

Frankie immediately said lilacs because of the lilac bushes at the house on Walden Street in Concord where Felix grew up and the huge ones at my parents' house. Frankie knew that anytime he saw or smelled lilacs, Felix would be around.



For Bekah it was Vincent Van Gogh that represented Felix. She had watched the film Loving Vincent with him and had viewed much of Van Gogh's work with Felix at the National Gallery of Art in Washington DC. She found the song Vincent beautiful and reminiscent of her artist brother. Bekah knew that, for her, a sign of Vincent meant a sign of Felix.

For me, it was a much harder question to answer. I felt like I should know it immediately. I felt I should know it emphatically. I felt that there should be one right answer so that I would know without a doubt that he was there. The chaplain's question left me questioning, not just the last few weeks and months with my son, but the last 29 years and whether I really ever knew him at all. and, beyond that, I was questioning what I really believed spiritually about the afterlife.

In the hours that followed, I probed family and friends for the answer to the same question, as much to find out how well others knew him as to find out how I'd know he was around. I came to several conclusions as we collectively brainstormed.

Felix was an intensely inward person. He would reveal small bits of himself in different ways to different people, but never all to one person. He thought so much more deeply, and felt so much more strongly than he ever revealed. Like all artists, he expressed himself through his artwork. Art is where he put all of himself, which is why he could be so self-conscious about it and why he took it so hard when it was critiqued. Yet, because artistic expression was like breathing or just being for him, he was always surprised by overwhelmingly positive reactions to his work.

Since in life Felix shared different facets of himself with different people, it only made sense that he would reveal himself differently to people in the afterlife. There were, however, some signs unique to Felix that we could all use to recognize when he was around.


As we stood in the hall outside the ICU discussing possible signs, I glanced at a plaque on the wall with an infinity sign on it. That was Felix's favorite symbol. He used to draw them with a small heart above. Just days before he commented on an infinity necklace worn by one of his nurses. Felix also loved the number 8 because it is a sideways infinity symbol.

There was something else that I remembered. When we had been at Memorial Hospital a fire alarm went off one night and an eerie quiet came over the floor as all the doors were shut. Again, just after Felix passed away another fire alarm went off at Mercy Medical Center. And later on that evening, back at home, 3 different smoke detectors started beeping for no reason.

Eli remembered that Felix had said that spirits made themselves known through candle flames. He said that when a candle flickers and there is no breeze, it is a spirit. Felix also loved candles and burned them frequently.

I remembered another story from Mercy Medical Center from a few days before Felix passed away. Felix had 2 large windows and there was a tree outside where birds frequently flocked. One day a cardinal appeared and stood out as a bright red amongst all of the more muted birds. Felix and I thought it was a sign of healing and protection, but retrospectively it could have been the spirit of a deceased loved one coming to help guide Felix into the afterlife. I'm certainly going to pay attention the next time I see a cardinal.


Like lilacs, Felix loved cherry blossoms, and also like lilacs, they have a short time when they are in bloom. Felix took countless photos and videos with cherry blossoms in multiple locations with many different people. He was drawn to Japanese culture and cherry blossoms are an important symbol of the profound beauty, but frailty and brevity, of life. They are a symbol of renewal and rebirth. Felix was drawn to both the beauty and the meaning of the cherry blossom. Like the cherry blossom, Felix's life was short but he filled it with overwhelming beauty and meaning.



In the weeks that have passed since Felix's passing, I, and many others, have been visited by Felix in our dreams. It makes perfect sense to me that Felix would appear this way because when he was alive we talked endlessly about our dreams. We would help each other to analyze them, finding meaning and guidance. In one dream Felix told me that he wouldn't be gone for long; that he would come back to me. In other dreams he has sent the message that he doesn't want to be forgotten. He didn't want to go; he wasn't ready. We all need to not only look for ways that he's around, but find ways to draw him to us.