Going through Felix's journals after his death Eli found the following entry written years before his cancer diagnosis. It is written exactly as it appears in his journal. It was read by Eli at his funeral as a glimpse into Felix's thoughts on death and what may exist afterwards.
I Know You Love Me
On the train back to NY from Charleston
I glanced out the window and saw
An old chimney in the middle of a field
With a group of matching headstones
Around the hearth
You struggle with the word "Love" and
What it means to you
I don't know
I feel it
Maybe too much Sometimes
As soon as I had looked, the burial
ground was speeding away out of view
But I can see it in my mind in vivid
detail
The shadows of the headstones
falling across the space that once
held the warmth of
what had been home
Are we buried next to the ones we love
as a monument of that love?
Can I love in death? I want to
When I Pass, look me in the eyes and
Say
"I know you love me"
Very beautiful.
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