Tales: Father's Day



helping Frankie eat

I was recently asked to find pictures of my son Jack with his dad for a special Father's Day gift. I scoured hundreds and hundreds of photo and could only find a few shots. It wasn't because of him not being involved, in fact, it was because he is so involved. I realized he wasn't in most of the pictures because he takes most of the pictures.

Frank's involvement started right from the start, during pregnancy. Now he cooks dinner every night, and that started when I was pregnant with Frankie. I was so tired and nauseous all the time that cooking was impossible.



Frank with Frankie and Bekah

  
It was also with Frankie's pregnancy that we took Bradley childbirth classes together. The Bradley Method is also known as Husband-Coached Childbirth.





Frankie was born 45 minutes after getting to the hospital and there really wasn't a lot of time for Frank to use the childbirth coaching skills he'd practiced. He did manage to film the birth with 2 different cameras, on a tripod and a handheld.

falling asleep

Frank comforting a fussy Frankie

Frankie turned out to be a very high need and sensitive baby. He went through a difficult period of colic, and I don't know how I would have gotten through it with out Frank.

finally sleep

When Frankie was scared to start kindergarten, Frank gave him a special key to hold to remind him of home. It helped him get through the rough beginning. Frankie's teacher commented on his ability to rhyme, something he always enjoyed doing with his dad. Frank also volunteered during library and on field trips.

carrying Frankie at Disney

And Frank was the one who had to say Frankie's long goodnight wishes in the exact right order before Frankie could fall asleep.

cuddling Bekah

Bekah was the first to be born at home. Not only was Frank able to document the birth on video, but I never felt like he wasn't there for me as well. After Bekah was born, Frank made all of my meals and brought them up to me in bed, sometimes with flowers.

mini golf with Jack

For the other 3 homebirths, Frank documented the births, set everything up for the midwives, cleaned up afterwards, and even played host by making food and coffee for everyone. And I still got my trays of food in bed for weeks so I could focus on our new babies.

hangin' with Jack at the pool

Frank took care of the older kids and always made sure I had a glass of water close by while I was nursing. He was always available to hold a newborn so I could shower or take a nap.




Singing Happy Birthday to Lillian







As the children have grown, Frank is always there. He has documented their growth in his "wall photos."

And his voice is always heard in the background of the video clips he records (especially when he's trying to teach them to say "dada" instead of "mama.").



foofing Bekah while teaching her to swim

He's helped the kids learn to swim and ride bikes. The kids help him with chores, like grocery shopping and taking out the trash. Together they love to play basketball.


the whole family


So, even though you don't see him in most of the family photos, you can feel him in there. As I look over years of photos, I see Frank in every single one.

holding Luke's hand

Tales: Luke's Birth Story

I found out I was pregnant with Luke after I had started dancing a lot again. I was also working at a dance supply store and teaching several dance classes. I got pregnant in September which meant I was due in June, right around the end of the year dance concert at the studio where I worked.

I continued to dance through my pregnancy and for the first time I had a hard time gaining weight. I would often not gain anything, or even lose weight, from month to month.

I continually tried to convince the studio director that I should perform, after all I had done it while I was pregnant with my oldest. Of course, I wasn't 40 then and it wasn't a week before my due date. Still, I thought I could pull it off.

The week before the dance concert, I had resigned myself to not performing, but I still had a lot to do to get my students ready. I was still demonstrating full out, even in Irish Step Dance, but I remember feeling very tired and "funny" after my Thursday classes.

On the morning of Friday June 13th, I woke up not feeling right. I felt like it was getting to be that time. I was supposed to take the train and then a bus to Arlington to see my midwife, but I didn't think I could make it. Thankfully, she came to me.

After checking me out, she thought it would be soon but could still be a few days away. The baby's head was still up pretty high. That was all I needed to hear for the "green light" to finish up everything I needed to get done. I would be at the dress rehearsal that evening. I also had a load of pottery I needed to fire.

I carried 2 boxes of pottery a couple blocks up the street to my kiln. I unloaded finished ware and loaded the kiln back up again. On the way home carrying the boxes of finished pieces, I felt a small gush. Soon after I got home and rested, it slowed to less than a trickle.

I put on a pad and went to the dress rehearsal. My daughter, Lillian, was performing and I wanted to be there for her in addition to my students. I had mild cramps throughout the night, some strong enough that I stopped talking to breathe through them. I left at about 9pm and immediately went to bed.

At about 5:45am strong contractions woke me up. I went over to the computer and started timing them on a website to monitor contractions. After a very short time, I decided that it was not only time to wake up my husband Frank but that we should also call my midwife.

I wasn't totally sure I was in labor because my water had very obviously and dramatically broken prior to labor in all 5 of my older kids' births. I also generally retreat and get very quiet in active labor. This time I was more stir crazy and wanted to sit up rather than relax lying down. Still, I could not talk through contractions.

My midwife left to come over as quickly as possible, knowing how fast I can go.

In the meantime, Frank got everything ready. He first had to line our bed with plastic under the sheets, and put chux pads down over the sheets. He lined a cookie sheet with foil and placed sterilized items from our birth kit, like a nasal aspirator, thermometer, cord clamps, ad scissors. He put the alumunum foil wrapped baby blankets in the oven to warm up, and filled the crock pot with water and sliced ginger for warm compresses.

I was sitting on the edge of the bed when my midwife arrived, and then the assistant. I asked my midwife to check to see if I was dilated because I still wasn't sure if I was really in labor. She checked and said I was fully effaced and dilated, and that my baby was about half way down the birth canal.






Several contractions later, at exactly 9am, Luke was born. He was my 2nd Saturday birth. Lillian was also born on a Saturday, and also at 9am. All my other kids were born on Tuesdays.

getting ready to sneeze...

He sneezed twice immediately after being born!

the sneeze!

5 minutes old

Even though the birth was really fast, Frank managed to take photos and record a video of the birth.


Luke nursed right away with no problems. Since we had practiced Elimination Communication (EC) starting at birth with 2 other kids, we were able to catch his meconium and first pees in a potty. He wore tiny little training pants and undies.

needs the potty

It is amazing and empowering to recognize facial expressions and other signs expressing various needs.

 

hungry

That evening was the dance concert. I did Lillian's hair and make-up and my parents brought her to the show. They announced Luke's birth during the performance.

Soon after Luke was born, the kids came in to meet him.

Bekah holding Luke

Six weeks after Luke's birth my family was in a family member's bridal party. I needed to have my bridesmaid dress altered so that I could nurse Luke, and I had to find a halter style nursing bra. My mom made me a brocade sling to match my bridesmaid dress.

When Luke was a few weeks old, I took him with me to help out at the dance supply store. The wonderful owners bought a baby swing for Luke to sleep in while I worked. Most of the time, though, Luke just liked to be carried in the sling. By now I had plenty of babywearing experience, including working and wearing.

Luke turned 4 years old yesterday. He is smart, funny, energetic, imaginative, and extremely empathetic. Happy Birthday Luke!

The Parent I Want to Be

An incident happened recently that offered instant clarity about the kind of parent I want to be. I was walking home from the train in the snow. I was rushing along, deep in thought, when I saw a child and a woman who appeared to be his young grandmother emerging from the dentist. They were at their car, parked on the side of the street surrounded by snow, when I reached them.

The grandmother was on the driver's side opening the door. The boy struggled to hold several items including a jigsaw puzzle box. The boy lost his footing as he stepped off the curb. All in an instant the jigsaw puzzle flew everywhere! He wailed as he looked at the tiny pieces strewn about, simultaneously upset about his puzzle and filled with worry that he would be reprimanded for his clumsiness.

The grandmother hustled over, alarmed by his cries. When she reached him and saw what had happened she did not reprimand him. She instead let out a big laugh. She then said, "That's okay. Let's just pick them up." in a calm, reassuring tone as she stooped down to help. They were both picking up puzzle pieces and laughing about the sight as I walked off towards home.

As I walked home I reflected on the incident. What would I have done? I would want to be as calm, but I honestly doubted I could have been. I wondered if they were in a rush. If they were in a rush, would she have been so calm? My mind was spinning. It was just a simple interaction, and yet so out of place. I had seen so many interactions with children over the years. Grandparents were often more patient, but this stuck out because I had never seen patience and understanding to this degree.

I often see children being bombarded with disappointment, impatience, disgust, and anger. Caregivers frequently send mixed messages. They expect children to be patient, yet model their own impatience. They praise children for being patient when they are really whining and complaining about having to wait in a line or for an order to be ready.

Ironically, children are often held to higher standards when it comes to things like this. Would you yell at your spouse or best friend for dropping a puzzle in the snow?


I wanted to be like this grandmother, the storehouse of patience and reassurance delivered in the precise amounts at the precise right time. I wanted to be able to put things into perspective exactly when I needed the clarity.

I tried to take a little bit of that day with me as I walked home. I knew it was unlikely that I would be able to be as perfectly patient, at least before I'm a grandmother, but I also knew that the knowledge was the first step. Modeling is a powerful teacher and I received the lesson of a lifetime that day.

Tales: Jack's Birth Story- You Better Work!

I remember the day I figured out I was pregnant with Jack. I was out at a meeting for a parenting group and I got a tell-tale headache. The longer it got between eating the worse the headache got. I took a pregnancy test as a formality. Of course, it was positive.

My pottery studio had been closed for nearly a year which meant less income but more time to rest. The resting helped with the nausea. I never even threw up with this pregnancy.

My last two homebirths had been paid for with tax refund money. In fact, both times the checks arrived the day of the birth. This time we wouldn't be getting a refund. We thought about our various options. I did not want to be in a hospital to give birth. After two homebirths there was no way I was going back.

We thought about a birth center but with my history of fast labors and no car that didn't seem right either.

We also considered an unassisted homebirth. Frank was excited about the idea after he caught Lillian. We bought a book on unassisted childbirth and a copy of Emergency Childbirth.

I knew that having to think too much in labor, rather than letting myself go, resulted in pain in labor for me. The only way I could let go enough would be to have my midwife there. We decided that we wanted to have the same midwife who attended our first two homebirths.

We needed to find a way to pay for the birth. We held a fundraising baby shower through Unique Baby Boutique. Guests bought us things we needed and we got a portion of the sales. It didn't amount to much though, nowhere near enough.

I had started setting up exhibit booths at conferences and events back when I still had my pottery studio so I continued after the store closed. This year I again set up at the Partners in Perinatal Health conference. It is an amazing conference unlike any other I've exhibited at. This year was especially amazing because Ina May Gaskin was the keynote speaker. She signed one of my hand painted pregnant pitchers!

I also set up an exhibit booth at the La Leche League of MA/RI/VT Area Conference to sell slings and my custom pottery. It was at that conference that I met Melinda Rothstein at a booth she had set up for DiaperFreeBaby, an organization supporting families practicing Elimination Communication (EC). After ECing Lillian from birth until her "graduation" to toilet independence at 1 1/2 years, I was excited to meet other ECers.

When I was about 37 weeks I set up our carnival size popcorn machine to sell popcorn at the local Earth Day festival. It was a rainy year but we were initially set up outside. When they made the call to move us inside I was already popping popcorn and I didn't even have anyone to help me move the huge machine. I waited for a festival worker to come help me move inside as I continued to pop popcorn in the rain. Finally when someone came to help, it was too close to the end of the event to set up inside. I didn't make much money, especially for the amount of effort it took.

In the end it was family that came through with funds to pay for our homebirth, especially my in-laws. It was so heartwarming to me that they cared so much about us. I am still grateful to this day. I am also grateful to our midwife for giving us a discount to make it more affordable.

If you read Lillian's Birth Story, you know that Frank was under the impression that I could control when my water broke by this time. So, the Monday evening when I was at 39 weeks Frank requested that my water not break between 9-10pm because he wanted to watch 24. I laughed and said that I had no control over that but I'd see what I could do.

That night after the kids were asleep and Frank was just getting settled downstairs to watch 24, I relaxed doing some light yoga on my bed to try to relieve the agonizing rib cage pain on my left side. I was in a modified child's pose when I felt an unbelievable sensation and heard a loud "pop". I'm still not sure which came first- Jack moving causing my water to break or my water breaking causing Jack to move rapidly down. Whichever it was it was an incredible sensation.

I called for Frank while enormous amounts of amniotic fluid gushed out. Frank, relaxing and feeling confident that he had at least an hour uninterrupted, tried to get up to run upstairs. He wouldn't normally try to rush so fast for just my water breaking but he must have heard the urgency in my voice after the startling way my water broke. Unfortunately, his foot had fallen asleep and he wasn't able to get upstairs as fast as the rest of his body wanted to. It was about 9:30pm.

We called our midwife and my aunt and started to do all the things we needed to do to prepare for the birth. I sat on the office chair in our bedroom with a chux pad under me while Frank put the plastic sheets on the bed (he would never put them on beforehand because he hated the feeling of them while he slept).

My aunt, midwife, and assistant midwife all arrived pretty quickly. For some reason CSI Miami was on the TV and my aunt kept commenting on how cute she thought David Caruso was. We had a water bell fountain set up in the room.

Lillian had just started sleeping in her own bed in the next room with her sister and she woke up several times during the labor. Frank had to continually leave to put her back to sleep. The rest of the kids stayed asleep.

The labor was moving pretty quickly and I felt like I was just about ready to push only the urge wasn't that strong. Something didn't feel quite right and doubt was starting to set in. My midwife, who had not done an internal exam with my other two homebirths, checked to see how dilated I was. I was just about fully dilated with just a "lip" to go. I remembered from my first birth that I did not want it to be manually pushed open during a contraction. So I continued to labor without pushing until the urge got really strong.

I think Jack must have been in a slightly odd position because the pushing took longer than my other babies. I had to work much harder too. My midwife commented on how strong and powerful I was while pushing. I felt that way too. I wasn't feeling pain and more than any other birth all my energy was channeled into pushing. No pain, just work.

I was in my usual spot and position- semi-reclining on my husband's side of the bed. The assistant, who had never attended one of my births before, asked if I wanted to try some other positions. My midwife, who knew me well by now, knew that this was my preferred place and position.

As he started to crown, my aunt commented on his red hair. Frank wasn't sure if she was joking or not because he was expecting dark hair like our other babies. Frank commented on how big his head was. He also had the cord around his neck like Frankie.

Finally, at 2:52am, Jack was born. He was my 4th Tuesday birth. He was 8lbs 5oz.

The first thing Frank noticed was his unbelievably beautiful umbilical cord. It was truly amazing! It looked silvery-white and had prominent bluish-purple veins that looked like pearls. The midwives loved his cord too. Our midwife explained that it was the way it formed in utero and it was rare.

As usual for me, it took a little while to birth the placenta. I had to give a few coughs and a few little pushes to coax it out. It was just as amazing as Jack's cord. It looked like a beautiful tree. My midwife spent about an hour making beautiful placenta prints.

Jack made the cutest little noises. He sounded like a puppy. He was pretty much born laughing and squealing. He was, and still is, a happy little guy. He has a funny sense of humor

He nursed well right from the beginning. I was involved in a lot of breastfeeding advocacy and support and Jack came with me to meetings and events. I held a "Nurse Out" when Jack was a few months old.

When Jack was a couple months old I thought about going to a DiaperFreeBaby meeting. I checked out their website and found information on becoming a Mentor. I filled out an online application. I went to a meeting while I was waiting for my application to be processed.

I couldn't believe how many other families were at the meeting. There was a NY Times photographer there too.

Just prior to going to my first DiaperFreeBaby meeting the Boston Globe did a story on the organization. Media outlets had started getting interested in doing stories on EC and DiaperFreeBaby. Once I became a Mentor, I noticed a lot of other Mentors needed media relations support. My father is a news photographer and I had just attended a PR and media relations workshop. I started offering tips to other Mentors and I created PR resources for our Yahoo! Group.

About a month later, the NY Times article came out and a People magazine article. I had also done an interview for a local newspaper. More and more media requests came in. DiaperFreeBaby did the morning talk shows- the Today Show, Good Morning America, the Early Show. I continued to offer advice and support. I was then asked if I would be the Communications Manager for the organization.

It was so busy at the time that I would spend 12 hours a day at the computer coordinating media pieces. I nursed and pottied Jack at the computer. He slept on my lap or in the bed a few feet away. I ate all my meals at the computer. If I left to go to the bathroom I'd come back and have 10 more emails in my inbox. It was a very exciting time and I learned a lot about media relations and PR.

We also took part in many interviews ourselves. After the filming of one local TV segment I ran out of cloth diapers on the way back home. I stopped at the mall and bought Jack some size 2 underwear. Even though he was 4 months old, they fit him perfectly. He wore undies from then on.

Jack is 5 years old today as I write this. Happy Birthday Jack Jack!

Tales: Lillian's Birth Story- She's One of Those People, She's Always Gotta Be Different

Lillian's pregnancy was the opposite of Bekah's in that I suspected it the moment I conceived. I was late right away so when I started having very bad morning sickness there was no mistaking it for a "weird flu." I had had it with my first 3 pregnancies but this was even worse. I tried just about anything over the course of the pregnancy to make the relentless nausea, fatigue, and headaches go away.

I started trying the usual things I do- eating small frequent meals of whatever I can stomach at the time and eating a lot of protein.

I was still having trouble functioning with the constant overwhelming feeling of sickness so I tried acupuncture. I had success with acupuncture for migraines. Some of the points were so sore that I bled, something that had never happened before. Since the acupuncture seemed to help a bit I started wearing sea sickness acupressure bands constantly. The only time I would take them off was in the shower or if they got so sore I bruised.

 

I had to be even more aware of what I was eating and when. I couldn't drink water in the morning or early afternoon. I had to eat about every 20 minutes, usually high protein, just to take the edge off of the unrelenting nausea. I drank a little soda to settle my tummy but I could only drink it with crushed ice. I couldn't eat bland food, like crackers. People's suggestion that I just eat some crackers and drink ginger-ale made me laugh or cry, depending on the day.

It got so bad that the smell of the water, not just shampoo or soap, but the actual water would make me throw up in the shower. I carried a bag with me everywhere I went in case I had to throw up. I cried a great deal of the time because I felt so bad. At one point my back-up midwife (a CNM) wrote me a prescription for Reglan to control the nausea. I never filled it.

I read about hyperemisis gravidarum and just reading stories helped a lot. I never had to be hospitalized for dehydration, though I did come close. The physical and emotional feelings from the extreme, relentless nausea led me to contemplate all sorts of horrible solutions to end my misery.

It was an unusually hot summer in Massachusetts and in addition to working full-time at my paint-your-own pottery studio, I was bringing my homeschooled oldest son into Cambridge by train every morning to go to camp at the Museum of Science and another camp at Boston Dance Company. It was extremely difficult while dealing with morning sickness.

One day I took ballet class with him at Boston Dance Company which actually helped temporarily. It was fun and funny to take class again with the former artistic director of the ballet company I was dancing with when I got pregnant with Felix.

In spite of the debilitating morning sickness, I managed to keep the pregnancy a secret while my sister, who worked at the pottery studio with me, contemplated having a 3rd baby. I actually encouraged her to have another baby because I didn't want my pregnancy to be a reason for her to hold off on having another child. I just figured we'd work out the logistics of running the store somehow. My sister did get pregnant, and then she found out I was pregnant too.

My daughter Bekah nursed throughout the whole pregnancy. She really loved to nurse! When I was about mid-pregnancy I developed yeast in my breasts. It is painful and a long process getting rid of it. In addition to making some diet and lifestyle changes, I used gentian violet. Bekah did not like the color or taste. She said the gentian violet was "spicy." She stopped nursing for 3 weeks while I was treating myself for the yeast. She slowly started up again after the purple was gone, and then really got interested after Lillian was born and there was more milk.

After having my last 2 babies at 36 weeks, I thought I would have another preterm birth. I had several risk factors too- short cervix, evaluation for preterm labor at 26 weeks, excessive walking and standing on my feet all day. However I made it to 36 weeks and celebrated by making a belly cast. Frankie started asking me when the baby would "crack out."

My sister and I also had the best baby shower ever around this time. We went to the fabric store and each picked out fabric to make a baby quilt. We cut the fabric into squares and had all of our friends and family decorate squares to be sewn into the baby quilts. We also asked everybody to bring a silver charm representing their hopes for the babies.

 

At the shower my sister and I each had beads we had picked out that we strung into necklaces with the charms. I continued to wear my necklace throughout the rest of my pregnancy. Guests also brought their favorite children's books to give to each baby. We had a tea theme and gave out goody filled tea cups as favors. We had a great time and I was elated that I had gotten in everything I ever wanted in a baby shower.

I figured I would give birth soon after the shower since I only expected to get to 36 weeks. I had a lot of work at the pottery studio and I was taking a local Family Strengthening workshop. I had a big project due painting platters for Epiphany School, a local Episcopal middle school. I wanted to complete the order of 30 platters before giving birth. I just kept painting, glazing, and firing as I got to 37 weeks, 38 weeks, 39 weeks and then finally reaching my "due date" at 40 weeks.

I only had 2 platters left to finish at 40 weeks 2 days. I worked all day at the store and finished painting and glazing the last 2 platters. I loaded them into the kiln and walked over to my acupuncturist's office about a 1/2 mile away. I couldn't believe I was actually getting "Chinese take-out" needles put in to encourage labor. The extra small flexible needles were held in place with round band aids on spleen 6 and great eliminator points on both sides of my body. They could stay there for a week and then be replaced with new ones.

After I had the needles put in I picked up a couple pizzas for dinner and walked the mile to my house. It was snowing out, but just lightly. It was just enough to make the town look magical. I often think that Concord looks so beautiful that it is surreal.

Back at home my husband discussed a birth request with me. He said he was tired at the other births because my water had broken in the middle of the night before he had a chance to sleep at all. He asked that my water not break until about 6am so he could be more rested. I laughed and told him that that wasn't something that I could control.

It was a Friday. Since all of my children had been born on a Tuesday so far, I figured that I wouldn't go into labor for a few days. I went to sleep early so that I could be rested up for work the next day. My in-laws were also coming to visit. They had been waiting until the baby was born but this was their last weekend they could come, so they decided to come anyway. We were all hoping the baby would be born during their visit.

I woke up suddenly at 5:45am when my water broke. I waited until 6am to wake up my husband Frank. He couldn't believe that I actually did it; I actually granted his wish for a 6am start to labor. I couldn't believe I was in labor on a Saturday instead of a Tuesday. Frank's parents and sister, Christine, were heading out from New York at around the same time. I wondered if they would arrive while I was still in labor.

We called our midwife to head over but at first there was no real urgency. Pretty quickly after I hung up the phone my contractions became intense and close together. I sat on the birthing ball breathing and low moaning to get through the contractions. By the time our midwife called her assistant and started heading over I was unable to talk through the near constant contractions. It was clear I was in transition. It was close to 8am.

Frank had planned a webcast of the birth to share with family and friends but since his family was already on the way over he put the idea on hold. Things were moving very fast and he had a lot to set up. After already being through one homebirth he knew exactly what to do. He turned the heat up, put the foil wrapped blankets in the oven, put the plastic sheets on the bed with old sheets on top, put some waterproof underpads on the bed, poured me some Gatorade, started boiling water to sterilize instruments, and started getting out the birth supplies, crock pot, and cookie sheet to hold the supplies. He also set up the video camera.

We had called my aunt to head over and she arrived at about the same time as both midwives. They were all grateful that Frank had done so much set up because I was sounding like I needed to push. I was shaking. My contractions had slowed down and I was in-between the intensity of transition and real pushing. I was feeling like I needed to push but was holding back until the urge was really strong.

I was on my husband's side of the bed in a semi-reclining position. Frank's nonchalant attitude kept cracking me up. I commented on the intensity of the labor.

At one point my midwife checked my daughter's heart rate with the Doppler and I could hear that it was very slow. It was clear it was her heartbeat and not mine. I wish that I didn't hear it for myself because it took me from "labor land" straight into my head. Labor gets painful when you are too "in your head," especially when there is also fear involved. I think, for the mother, labor is meant to be more on an instinctual level rather than a cognitive one.

My midwife asked me to turn onto my side to push. The act of moving and this new position brought up the intensity of labor. I prefer to give birth semi-reclining. I think the reason I instinctively choose this position is that it keeps the pushing stage at a slow to moderate pace making it more comfortable.

 

When I turned to my side, the contractions started coming faster and the baby moved through the birth canal faster than the slower forward and back pushing stage of my last 2 births. Even Frankie's 2 hour labor had a slow and controlled pushing stage. 

The intensity of the pushing was in sharp contrast to the Latin Lullaby CD that was playing in the background. I clutched the quilt made by family and friends. We had decided Frank would catch this time so he left the room to wash his hands as Lillian started to crown. 

 

Frank cheered me on as he guided Lillian's slippery body out and onto my chest. He was as elated and energized as I was after what seemed to me the most collaborative event the 2 of us have ever experienced together. It was 9:03am, a little over 3 hours after my water broke.

Lillian had no vernix left and her skin was dry and starting to peel a little. She weighed 8 lbs 8 ozs and had lots of dark hair. The kids all came upstairs to see her before the placenta even came out. My sister stopped by to see her on her way into the studio and the midwives were still filling out paperwork when my in-laws arrived.

While doing some online research on the Continuum Concept, a book I had read that really resonated with me, I came across some information on Natural Infant Hygiene, also known as Elimination Communication (EC). I had just finished reading Diaper Free! The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene just before Lillian's birth. I decided I wanted to start right away. When the midwife asked if we wanted diapers on Lillian I said "no." The first time I offered Lillian the potty she peed.

Lillian came to the pottery studio with me starting just before her cousin, my nephew, Elessar was born 2 months later. She nursed, slept, pottied, and was carried in a sling all day 5 days a week at the studio until we had to close when she was 6 months old.

Tips: Getting Started with Elimination Communication

Elimination Communication (EC) is an alternative to full-time diapering where a caregiver responds to the instinctive signals babies give signaling their need to eliminate. Caregivers offer babies a potty, toilet, or other appropriate place to eliminate when one of these signals is noticed. Caregivers can also use timing (e.g. offering just upon waking) and intuition (feeling like the baby needs to eliminate) to determine when to offer their baby a chance to potty.


The first step in starting EC is the awareness that it is possible and that it is not early potty training. It is simply responding to a need in the same way a caregiver responds to hunger or sleep cues. Why would babies be born with the ability to express the need for hunger or sleep but not the ability to express the need to eliminate?

Since our culture has largely lost touch with the recognizing signs of impending, elimination many parents are confused with how to start, or feel it will be too time consuming. There are some simple steps that can be taken to help caregivers get started with EC.

Use Every Opportunity
Many parents start with a period of observation to become more familiar with their baby's signals, but you can also start by offering at the most likely times such as just upon waking, during or after nursing, and at diaper changes. The excitement generated by starting to "catch" can provide the momentum to keep going. EC is easier to understand once you start catching and communicating.

Use Cloth Diapers, Training Pants or Underwear
Using some form of cloth "back-up" helps your baby to stay aware of the feeling of being wet. Even when using disposable diapers slipping a piece of a washcloth or other similar piece of fabric inside the diaper can help keep a baby in touch with the feeling of wetness.

Use a "Matter-of-Fact" Approach
When first starting EC the first few catches can be very exciting, but for babies it is the expectation they are born with. Babies expect their signals that they need to eliminate to be responded to with the chance to eliminate away from their bodies. Well-meaning excitement and praise can be confusing to babies and leave them with the impression that they've done something wrong. If they are only doing what babies are supposed to do, why is there so much excitement?

Relax!
EC does not work well when stress is involved. The focus should not be on the number of catches, or even on EC as a bonding activity. Bonding is something that takes place over a period of time as a parent cares for a baby in a variety of ways. When one single practice is emphasized, whether it is breastfeeding or EC, as a way to bond it can create more pressure on parents. EC simply offers another caregiving tool.

Get Information and Support
EC is the modern adaptation of an ancient practice common to an entire community. It was ingrained through observation and practice and was as matter-of-fact as eating. A parent only had to look to any other member of the community for support, and didn't have the stress of being accused of practicing EC out of a motivation to be a "super parent".

In our modern culture we have lost touch with the community aspect of EC. Support organizations, such as DiaperFreeBaby, are filling this void. DiaperFreeBaby has in-person as well as virtual support. They have a DiaperFreeBaby Shop and a free newsletter.

DiaperFreeBaby also has a getting started with EC program and website called The DiaperFreeChallenge(TM).

Make It Your Own
I will admit it...I watch American Idol. I just got finished watching it tonight. Anyone who watches it knows that most of the judges are constantly pleading with contestants to "make it their own". On American Idol they are talking about giving the songs their own unique twist. In the case of EC I am offering it as a reminder that the process is a journey that is a little different for each family. We live in a melting-pot culture which gives us the freedom to parent a variety of ways. EC isn't a set of rules to be followed exactly. There shouldn't be stress about doing it the "right way".

Tales: Rebekah's Birth Story- The Unexpected

When my 2nd child, Frankie, was a year old I got my period for the first time since his birth. It seemed like a regular period so when I started feeling sick a couple of weeks later I thought I had a weird flu. I say "weird" because I was nauseous but eating a lot of protein, especially several tuna sandwiches at once, made me feel better. Typical for my morning sickness, but not for a stomach bug.

I missed my next period and took a pregnancy test. The test came out positive so I made an appointment with my midwife. I thought I might be pregnant with twins because I was already feeling so much morning sickness. When I went for my appointment my midwife said I was bigger than I should be for 7 weeks. I was still thinking twins. She used a doppler to find the heartbeat and said it was stronger than a 7 week, more like a ten week. She ordered an ultrasound for the next week.

The ultrasound revealed that I was 12 weeks along, that there was only one baby, and that I had a low lying placenta and partial placenta previa. I wanted a homebirth this time and wondered if the low lying placenta would change that.

I found a well respected local homebirth midwife through referrals and interviews. Neither of my midwives, CPM or CNM, were concerned about the placenta because they felt it would move up high enough as my uterus grew with the pregnancy. I was checked throughout the pregnancy and sure enough the placenta did move up high enough.

I was still nursing Frankie but he had started biting me. It was likely due to teething, my lowered milk supply, and changes in the taste of the milk due to pregnancy. He continued to nurse until he was 1 1/2, a couple of months before the birth.

Right around the same time Frankie weaned, I developed sciatica. I had started having back pain but what really "did it" was stepping into one of those bead carts that they have in doctor's office waiting rooms. I had one on wheels at my pottery painting store. Someone left it in the walkway and I stepped right into it getting my foot stuck. Because it was on wheels it zoomed forward with my foot in it. In my effort to not fall completely on the ground, I pulled my back out. I had been walking to work everyday but now had to get rides for 6 weeks because it was agonizing to walk or stand.

Once, when I still couldn't walk, we made a trip to a department store. My husband borrowed a wheel chair for me to use and found it very amusing to wheel me into things or leave me facing a wall. Still, it was a fun trip!

Just as I started being able to walk again I fell on the icy sidewalk outside of my store. It was now December and I was rushing around getting ready for Christmas. The store was always very busy in November and December.

I had taken Lamaze classes with my first and Bradley with my second so this time I decided to try Birthing From Within. I loved all the art and we used clay from my pottery painting store in the class. I started hosting the clay portion of the local BFW classes in my studio.

At some point my primary care doctor decided I should have an internal exam to see if I was dilated because of my early birth last time. My homebirth midwife was not happy about it. She doesn't routinely do internal exams because they are unnecessary, can introduce infection, and can stimulate birth.

Christmas finally came! I felt weird the moment I woke up. I was very tired and crabby. I told my mother-in-law that I thought the baby would be born the next day. I was only 36 weeks but my last baby was born at 36 weeks. The next day was a Tuesday too and my other two children had been born on Tuesdays.

I continued to feel weird the whole day. We went to my parents house for dinner and present opening. When I didn't eat anything off of the dessert table everybody really knew something was up. I went home exhausted but used my massaging foot bath before going to bed. My husband, Frank, was still putting presents away and cleaning up when my water broke at 3am.

We called the midwife though Frank still thought the baby wouldn't be born until January. I had just had an appointment and our midwife said she felt comfortable with her being born early at home. We also called my aunt, an RN, to come over to help.

When my midwife arrived none of her equipment would work because it was so cold outside. We had to wait until it warmed up. She took my temperature and it was elevated. We discussed going to the hospital but decided it was just due to the extreme heat in my bedroom. It was over 80 degrees in my room.

I thought I would have another fast birth, but instead I labored slowly. It was a much different experience. Each contraction was easy to get through and I was walking around and socializing. I called my sister and my parents and planned for my mom to come over with my little brother. My brother was 11 years old, just like my oldest son. My oldest was away with his dad, my ex-husband, for the Christmas break. Every time I talked on the phone my labor slowed. Eventually my midwife said I shouldn't talk on the phone anymore.

I continued to labor and then felt like getting in the shower. My mom still wasn't there yet and I was starting to get nervous about having a homebirth. Really, I think I was just in transition. I was still in the shower feeling "pushy" when my mom got there. As soon as I heard her walk in the door downstairs I felt the urge to go to my bed to push. I picked a spot on my husband's side in a semi-reclining position.

I was in the bedroom with Frank, 2 midwives, and my aunt. Downstairs my mom,11 year old brother, and my 20 month old son, Frankie were in the living room. Frank had set up a video camera that broadcast the birth live on the living room television.
 

The pushing stage was no different from the rest of the labor, calm and relaxed. It was a huge contrast to my two hospital births. Bekah was born at 11:43am on December 26th, 2000, weighing 6 lbs 10 ozs. She was my 3rd Tuesday birth. She was covered in vernix and very sticky. She nursed immediately and then peed on me.

She was a very relaxed girl who loved to sleep. She would sleep for 6 hour stretches during the day. I had to wake her up to nurse sometimes. We immediately started doing sunbaths to keep jaundice in check.

 

My husband and I hadn't agreed on a name yet. I stayed upstairs recovering while Frank took care of the older kids and the house. He brought me up meals and plenty of water. He made up fancy trays of food with flowers. We communicated mostly by walkie talkie and spent most of the time discussing names. At one point an unknown person cut in on our conversation and suggested the name Emily.

The recovery was much easier and more relaxing than being in the hospital. Unfortunately, there was also a major shooting the day she was born, though not to the same degree as Columbine on the day Frankie was born. It was an office shooting in Wakefield, MA.

Bekah started coming to the store with me at 3 weeks old. She would sleep at the store in a sling or in car seat. The louder the store the longer she slept. She was able to nurse in the sling while I worked. People would think she was sleeping and would be surprised to find her nursing when they peeked inside the sling.

 

We finally decided on her name when she was a month old, Rebekah. Around this time we also decided to have a Red Egg Party to celebrate her arrival. It is a Chinese custom that we borrowed. Friends and family brought different Chinese dishes with an explanation of the significance of the dish- long noodles for a long life, for example. They also brought traditional Red Egg Party gifts such as clothing, money, and stuffed animals. As party favors we had ceramic egg boxes and lucky money envelopes.